Sometimes I read other people's blogs and I just think, wow! They are almost poetic in their writing. Then I think I wish I could be that way in mine...Sigh.
Where to begin? I was contemplating changing the name of this blog, to something like life with children, because the pregnant thing wasn't fitting anymore. But guess what? I appear to be very much pregnant with number 2! So now I don't have to change the name!
I was noticing that Chaya seemed to be rejecting the breast and that I was dreaming a lot of very vivid dreams, which sometimes happens to me right before a period. Then I was going to the bathroom a lot, but I thought that was because I was drinking a lot of water and frankly, I have never had a very strong bladder! But then I didn't menstruate when I was supposed to. Which I thought, well it might just be due to breastfeeding. Well, lo and behold, I am with bun in the oven, one more time.
I have to say I wasn't very pleased. Chaya is only 5 months old, and if my calculations are right, this means that new baby should arrive right around Chaya's first birthday. I was disappointed because I wanted more time with Chaya, just me and her, without having more distractions than there already are. Plus, I wanted to breastfeed longer, and I no that one can breastfeed and be pregnant at the same time, however, Chaya hasn't wanted to unless she needs to sleep. I was finally starting to enjoy breastfeeding too. Plus, things have been very difficult financially for us, so there are so many things that make it hard to accept. But it is a reality and what is done is done. Fortunately so far, the biggest problem has been terrible moodswings. I am not super nauseous and in fact have only thrown up twice, this morning being one of those times. Otherwise, it is normal. But then I felt guilty for feeling disappointed. I know that there are so many other women out there who are having trouble conceiving or can't have children at all and I should be grateful, but really, I think, why am I deserving and these women not? I don't know, major mixed feelings about this.
Emil starts school on Friday. He is excited about this. I am excited about this. I feel guilty as I haven't had the energy to spend with him this summer. And he has been pretty bored and lonely. So it will be nice for him to be back in the social setting of school. He likes school, I can only hope that that will last him his whole school career. We so want our children to succeed where we didn't. I want my kids to go to university, to study and do well in school. I would like to go back to university. I don't know what I would like to study but I would like to learn again. And to finish a degree now, that would be a great role model for the kids. Maybe when we go back to Canada, I can do one class a semester and by the time I am fifty I could have a BA. You know, it wouldn't really matter how much time it took, it would just be nice to do it, I think. To accomplish it. My Dad was 42 when he got his PHD. Not bad.
But I also want my kids to be happy, doing whatever they are doing. I have hopes and dreams for them, but the most important thing is if they are happy doing what they are doing, be it a doctor or a cashier at McDonald's, then so be it! Yes, this is easy to say when they are 6 and 5 months, we will see how I will feel in 20 years about their choices!
Hey. Friend from Norway, I would love to answer some of your questions regarding living in Israel and Israeli politics, but I want to keep this blog as much as I can about the kids and pregnancy. If you want to send me a comment with your email address I would be happy to be an email penpal for you. All of the comments that I receive must be approved by me before being published on this page, so I just wouldn't publish your comment with your email address.
OK, good night everyone.