I swear, I don't think I will ever sleep again. Apparently what I am having as far as two pregnancies close together has a word, it is called Irish Twins. This baby is due 4 days after Chaya's first birthday, but it could come early or later, but they will still be considered Irish twins. Funny. I learned this on the Babycentre Pregnancy Boards, one of my new addictions.
Today I have a sinus headache. Started to get it last night so when David comes home tonight, I will take a hot bath and put a warm cloth on my nose for the pain. It just intensifies the exhaustion. Yesterday I was so tired that I could barely even lift Chaya up. It is so hard and last night I was almost in tears feeling sorry for myself. I just want to sleep. That is all I want to do. And you know, when Chaya is sleeping, I try to sleep but can't. It sucks. Yesterday I tried shutting the blinds in the bedroom but it didn't work. And last night, little Miss JAP went to sleep at 8 pm and woke up at quarter to 10 ready to play. I put her in her crib and she started screaming, so David went and picked her up and she looked over at me with this huge grin like she was saying "See, if you won't do it, Daddy will!" She really does have David wrapped around her finger. So we put her on the floor because she is starting to really work hard on her tummy. She is pushing her little butt up and balancing on her knees and hands, like she is getting ready to take off. Last night, she actually moved her legs forward before she fell flat on her face. I am amazed at how fast she is developing. And she can sit by herself now for a little while. She is such a strong baby. And everday, I fall more and more in love with her. She really is such a happy baby and friendly.
So it seems as if Israel is gearing up for war. First they said war with Syria in the summer, and that didn't happen and now it is war sometime in the next few weeks. I think after the invasion by Israel to Syria, it is getting more and more serious. Condoleeza Rice is here today to allegedly discuss a middle east peace conference, but I doubt it. I think Bush wants to invade Syria and Iran before he leaves office and he needs Israel to do it for him. Yom Kippur is coming up, and I think people are nervous about it because of the Yom Kippur war in 67. Israel comes to a standstill on Yom Kippur, kind of like North America on Christmas Day. No one drives, no one does anything. It is amazing that Yom Kippur is the biggest holiday. It is the day of atonement and you are to fast on that day. Even non religious people observe that day. There is nothing on TV, all the stations stop broadcasting. It is amazing. So if there is a war, everyone is at home, except, of course, the army. Not like last time...
I had an intention to blog about feminism, but my head hurts and I want to go and lie down for a few minutes before Emil comes home from school. I will finish later, hopefully.
The Desert
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Living In Israel
Sometimes people ask me what it is like to live in Israel. I know they mean because of the political situation, and I think that is self explanatory. It is not easy to live here amidst constant threat of war, violence etc. But there are so many things that disappoint me about this country. Perhaps it is because I am a spoiled North American, or perhaps there is something seriously wrong with this country.
Today was Emil's first day at school. The school has a bus that we are paying to pick him up. On Friday, David went to school with Emil and paid for the bus and was told that the driver would call him either before shabbat or after shabbat to let him know what time we should be downstairs for pick up. We didn't hear from him until close to 10 o'clock. He said 7:30. I, being the Canadian that I am was downstairs at 20 after 7 with Emil, baby and dog. We waited and waited...and waited...and waited. No bus. At 10 to 8 we went upstairs to check the phone to see if perhaps they had phoned. Nope. So I started to walk Emil to school and was a quarter of the way there when I saw a bus stop and I asked where they were going and lo and behold he was going to Emil's school. I put Emil in there and walked back home. Disorganization, I sighed. An Israeli phenomenon. Everywhere you go here, it is disorganized. All government agencies. All banks, everywhere that is supposed to be organized. I thought beaurocracy was bad in Denmark and sometimes at home in Canada, but it is nothing compared to Israel. If you ask someone for something, almost inevitably the first answer you will get is "NO". Then you have to bring more papers and more papers and more papers. It almost never ends. I have a hard time getting used to this. It is frustrating and that is an understatement. We are having a hard time financially and David applied for welfare 9 months ago. We haven't received a cent. Last week, they said that some money would be in our account in a day or two. That was Wednesday, still not there. And they have to pay you a lump sum for the back pay. It doesn't make sense. And everytime we think we are close to getting the money, they tell us, oh, sorry we need another paper, proof of this, proof of that. A third of this country's children live in poverty. Can you understand why now?
So last night, David was very nervous about Emil's first day of school. On Friday, Emil had been playing and some of the older kids told him he was ugly black. (Let me clarify for those of you who aren't aware, Emil is biracial) Apparently Emil said back to them that they are ugly white. Good for him. Today, however, he came home and told me the same kids once again called him a nigger. A nigger. And the strange thing is, here in Ashdod, there are many Ethiopian Jews. And Jews from India who are East Indian, complete with saris. Judaism isn't a caucasian stream, there are people of many backgrounds, heights, colors, etc, but within their own country, they are so racist towards one another. Once David and I were talking about this and he quoted someone who said this, I think, that the reason the Muslims are able to continue their terrorist activities and are hard to stop is because they are united in their religion. Jews are not. We fight each other every step of the way. We are a nation divided. A people divided. Everywhere you go. In North America and much of the western nations, it is the Reform vs conservative vs orthodox. Within orthodoxy there are divides amongst the various hassidic groups. We were in Jerusalem two weeks ago and Emil came to me and said, very upset "I don't think I am Jewish" and I said "Why?" And he told me that a kid outside had told him that he was a goy (Jewish for non Jew). We were in a very Hassidic part of town and I don't know if it was because Emil did something that broke shabbat or if it is because we don't dress him like a Hasid, or if it is because he is black and the Ethiopians who came had to convert. And many Hassidic sects believe that anyone who isn't like them is not Jewish and some of them don't believe in conversion. I don't know, but my point in this is that it illustrates the divide amongst the people. Maybe Jews could get a lesson from the Ba'hais with their mantra of one g-d, one people.
It makes me angry. This makes me angry. It is so unfair. We would have problems everywhere with Emil due to his color, I have been watching Oprah. It is not easy to be black. And then to add on top of that Jewish. Black and Jewish. I worry for him. I really do. It breaks my heart. It really does.
The good thing about North America and at least what I noticed in Canada, is that people are more educated about what they say. They know that outright racism won't be tolerated and is against the law. So I believe that there are fewer incidents of racism in North America. Emil questioned his color when we were in Canada, but was much more accepting of himself and his friends and people he came into contact with were not outright bigots. It makes me sick.
These kids today not only called him a nigger, but also stupid. What could I say? I asked him "Do you think you are stupid? Do you think you are ugly because you are black?" He said no. Finally. There was a time when he would have said yes. Then I explained to him that kids are mean. They are all mean and that he is going to have to deal with this all his life. I told him that when I was little kids used to make fun of me because they said that I had a big nose. In fact, it wasn't kids but my family who would make fun of me. My mother and sisters and brother. I grew up hating my nose. Then when I was 10 I developed breasts early and I was ashamed of that. That was a peer thing. I always hated my big nose and ample bosom. And look how many people pay to have their breast enlarged and G-d gave a natural set of honkin bonkers. And I hated them. The two things that I wanted were a nose job and breast reduction. Now, I have accepted my nose and don't give it much thought, but my chest has always been a source of embarrassment for me. I just want to be able to teach Emil that his differences should be celebrated and not a place of shame. It is hard. Really hard.
So, that is a little bit about living in Israel. The day to day things that annoy me about this country. The little things that can drive me to want to throw things and have tantrums. Sad.
Oh Canada, home and native land....
Today was Emil's first day at school. The school has a bus that we are paying to pick him up. On Friday, David went to school with Emil and paid for the bus and was told that the driver would call him either before shabbat or after shabbat to let him know what time we should be downstairs for pick up. We didn't hear from him until close to 10 o'clock. He said 7:30. I, being the Canadian that I am was downstairs at 20 after 7 with Emil, baby and dog. We waited and waited...and waited...and waited. No bus. At 10 to 8 we went upstairs to check the phone to see if perhaps they had phoned. Nope. So I started to walk Emil to school and was a quarter of the way there when I saw a bus stop and I asked where they were going and lo and behold he was going to Emil's school. I put Emil in there and walked back home. Disorganization, I sighed. An Israeli phenomenon. Everywhere you go here, it is disorganized. All government agencies. All banks, everywhere that is supposed to be organized. I thought beaurocracy was bad in Denmark and sometimes at home in Canada, but it is nothing compared to Israel. If you ask someone for something, almost inevitably the first answer you will get is "NO". Then you have to bring more papers and more papers and more papers. It almost never ends. I have a hard time getting used to this. It is frustrating and that is an understatement. We are having a hard time financially and David applied for welfare 9 months ago. We haven't received a cent. Last week, they said that some money would be in our account in a day or two. That was Wednesday, still not there. And they have to pay you a lump sum for the back pay. It doesn't make sense. And everytime we think we are close to getting the money, they tell us, oh, sorry we need another paper, proof of this, proof of that. A third of this country's children live in poverty. Can you understand why now?
So last night, David was very nervous about Emil's first day of school. On Friday, Emil had been playing and some of the older kids told him he was ugly black. (Let me clarify for those of you who aren't aware, Emil is biracial) Apparently Emil said back to them that they are ugly white. Good for him. Today, however, he came home and told me the same kids once again called him a nigger. A nigger. And the strange thing is, here in Ashdod, there are many Ethiopian Jews. And Jews from India who are East Indian, complete with saris. Judaism isn't a caucasian stream, there are people of many backgrounds, heights, colors, etc, but within their own country, they are so racist towards one another. Once David and I were talking about this and he quoted someone who said this, I think, that the reason the Muslims are able to continue their terrorist activities and are hard to stop is because they are united in their religion. Jews are not. We fight each other every step of the way. We are a nation divided. A people divided. Everywhere you go. In North America and much of the western nations, it is the Reform vs conservative vs orthodox. Within orthodoxy there are divides amongst the various hassidic groups. We were in Jerusalem two weeks ago and Emil came to me and said, very upset "I don't think I am Jewish" and I said "Why?" And he told me that a kid outside had told him that he was a goy (Jewish for non Jew). We were in a very Hassidic part of town and I don't know if it was because Emil did something that broke shabbat or if it is because we don't dress him like a Hasid, or if it is because he is black and the Ethiopians who came had to convert. And many Hassidic sects believe that anyone who isn't like them is not Jewish and some of them don't believe in conversion. I don't know, but my point in this is that it illustrates the divide amongst the people. Maybe Jews could get a lesson from the Ba'hais with their mantra of one g-d, one people.
It makes me angry. This makes me angry. It is so unfair. We would have problems everywhere with Emil due to his color, I have been watching Oprah. It is not easy to be black. And then to add on top of that Jewish. Black and Jewish. I worry for him. I really do. It breaks my heart. It really does.
The good thing about North America and at least what I noticed in Canada, is that people are more educated about what they say. They know that outright racism won't be tolerated and is against the law. So I believe that there are fewer incidents of racism in North America. Emil questioned his color when we were in Canada, but was much more accepting of himself and his friends and people he came into contact with were not outright bigots. It makes me sick.
These kids today not only called him a nigger, but also stupid. What could I say? I asked him "Do you think you are stupid? Do you think you are ugly because you are black?" He said no. Finally. There was a time when he would have said yes. Then I explained to him that kids are mean. They are all mean and that he is going to have to deal with this all his life. I told him that when I was little kids used to make fun of me because they said that I had a big nose. In fact, it wasn't kids but my family who would make fun of me. My mother and sisters and brother. I grew up hating my nose. Then when I was 10 I developed breasts early and I was ashamed of that. That was a peer thing. I always hated my big nose and ample bosom. And look how many people pay to have their breast enlarged and G-d gave a natural set of honkin bonkers. And I hated them. The two things that I wanted were a nose job and breast reduction. Now, I have accepted my nose and don't give it much thought, but my chest has always been a source of embarrassment for me. I just want to be able to teach Emil that his differences should be celebrated and not a place of shame. It is hard. Really hard.
So, that is a little bit about living in Israel. The day to day things that annoy me about this country. The little things that can drive me to want to throw things and have tantrums. Sad.
Oh Canada, home and native land....
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