A life beyone your wildest dreams

I have been reflecting a lot lately on my life.  Where I am now, as opposed to where I thought I WOULD be now.  Every morning I sit outside on my balcony and stare out at the view.  It is a breathtaking view.  Rolling desert mountains, spotted with trees and horses and camels.  In the far distance, I can see the mountains of Jordan, which means that just over the hills in front of my house, is the Dead Sea. 

I heard a woman speak one day and she said "I have a life today that I never even wanted."  She didn't mean it in a bad way.  She just meant that upon reflecting upon the person that she was a very young woman and what that young woman wanted out of her life was so opposite to how she lived in the present moment. 

I so relate to this.  After my tumultuous teenage years and my early 20's, I had come to the conclusion that I would probably end up settling in Vancouver, get married, have a couple of kids, who would know the Starbucks menu by heart and enjoy playing in the playground at Stanley Park.  I had friends who moved to the suburbs of Vancouver after they got married and had children, but that life so wasn't for me.  No way was I going to be a suburban mommy.  Ever.  E-VER!!!!

Here is a list of things that I never thought would be a part of my life:

Chickens in my back yard
Horses across the street from me
Children who don't like shoes
Children with messy hair, except for on Shabbat
That a "fall" is a type of wig
Shabbat
Saying "I live 15 minutes from Jerusalem"
Being unphased by x ray machines in the bus station
Security guard at my sons school
Seeing people walk around with a huge honking gun hanging from their pants.

NEVER in a million years did I imagine living in Israel.  Never did I imagine that I would live in a "suburb" of Jerusalem.  Never did I think that I would become more right wing - at least in Israel.
Never did I imagine that I would see a war in a lifetime, let alone two. 

My life is SO NOT how I imagined nor is it a life I ever wanted.  Funny how things turn out, hey?

Laughter Is The Best Massage

I used to dabble in stand up comedy, premarriage and babies.  I never really committed myself to it, so I never got very far as a stand up comic.  I got too involved in the "social" aspect and as a result, it made the actual writing and performing aspect seem less important.

I did stand up for the first time in 4 years, last year, for a group of women here in Tekoa.  I was terrified, as it was in my community, which is very small, and I kept thinking, "This is like doing stand up for your family after Thanksgiving dinner".  Afterwards, they may love you or hate you.  And I really wasn't crazy about taking the chance that my new community might hate me.  But the women at this show were extremely supportive and they mostly laughed.

It was a thrill to be around the yishuv afterwards and have people tell me "OH!  You did the comedy!!!  You were so funny!" 

What was so thrilling for me, is how terrified I was of doing it, but how I did it anyway.  I had in my mind that if I didn't feel like doing it, I just would bow out.  I gave myself that option right up until the point that I actually went onstage.  And while I was doing it, the sense of thrill came back to me.  How much fun it is, when people laugh.  How interesting it is for me, that when a joke doesn't work, I can move smoothly past it and still keep the audience's interest.  How something that I didn't intend to be funny is funny and being surprised. 

I once told a Comedian friend of mine that I had decided to retire from stand up.  He laughed and said "Stand up comics never retire.  We may "rest", but we NEVER retire."

He's right.  I really want to do it again.  I miss it.  There is even the opportunity of where to perform.  I just need to write some material and get comfortable with the idea of doing it again.  But writing seems to be a difficult task, since I am a full time wife and mother and also work full time. 

Last night, I was thinking of how much I miss laughter.  I was thinking of who makes me laugh in this world.  There are about three people who can really get me belly laughing.  One is an old friend of mine from high school, whom I barely talk to or see anymore.  The other is another friend of mine, Jenn, who was here in October.  She makes me laugh and brings out the extremely silly side of me.  She appreciates my sense of humor, so she eggs me on.  We can laugh about things, still, after 20 years of friendship that are completely nonsensical to others.

The other person who makes me laugh, is my Mother.  My mom is a clown.  She is the one who taught me to be silly.  She enlisted me in her practical jokes and as a result, I have a great mind for practical jokes.  When she and I are together, we can often be found in hysterical giggles.  My husband will walk in on us and be absolutely dumbfounded that our sense of humor is so similar.  It was not easy for him to spend 3 days at the Dead Sea together with the two of us.  Especially because he is about as prone to laughter as Archie Bunker.

I look at my two daughters and wonder which one will by my accomplice in the funny.  I used to think it would be Sarah, but I don't know, she really idolizes her father, so my best bet may be Chaya.  Chaya, however, tends to the serious side.  Sarah is the goofy baby.  I guess I will just have to bide my time. 

In the meantime, I guess I can bring some laughter into our lives by getting back into it.  Let's just hope that it will be soon!