Fumbling through motherhood

Well, it has been 7 weeks and one day since I had a baby. I have attempted to write posts about the experience but have never been able to finish one, usually because the baby wakes up and interrupts me. She has been sleeping now for almost three hours, which is amazing for her to do during the day. She will probably wake up now that I am in the middle of something more important than making food. I just finished preparing a quiche for dinner tonight and making a banana cream pie, which I have never done before. I had to make the crusts for both from scratch which I did this morning when she was sleeping. I have had a productive day in that I have been shopping, made pie crust, made the quiche and the pie. This is a lot to attempt in one day. I have even done all the dishes. I am exhausted now, needless to say and instead of catching up on sleep I am writing.
Motherhood is not what I expected. To be fair, I was a mother already to Emil but it is a completely different experience to mother a child of 5 than it is to mother a newborn baby. I haven't had a good night's sleep since she was born, although really, the discomfort started in my eighth month of pregnancy. I am really feeling the isolation. I miss so much more my friends and family in Canada. It is hard here, to be all alone and not have people to call to back you up. I still hate living in Israel with a passion. David has been called up to go to the army and if he can't wrangle himself out of it, it will be hell. He will probably only have to go for a week, but that is a long time when I have a baby and Emil.
Chaya is a crier. She cries a lot. At first I thought it was colic, but now I am not so sure. I was reading about some babies just being like this. She cried from the moment she came out, almost as if she was voicing her dissatisfaction already at her living conditions. I don't blame her really. Nothing is as I thought it was going to be.
I am also feeling post baby fat. My body is chubbier than I have ever been and it grates on the self esteem. I barely have time to shower during the day anyway. I miss being able to take my time in the bath, do my feet and nails and shave my legs. I eat on the go. Like I used to when I was a waitress. Gulping down food. No time to enjoy it. It isn't so fun. I thought that a baby would be easy, in that they are supposed to sleep all the time and just wake up to eat and be changed. She does that sometimes, but she also has a couple of fussy periods where she just cries like I am hitting her. I am afraid to take her on the bus to Jerusalem or on the train anywhere. I am afraid that she will start to scream. She does have more periods of wakefulness, where she is happy and smiley. It melts my heart when she smiles. There really is nothing better than seeing her little lopsided, gummy smile. Sometimes I miss her when she sleeps and I want to wake her up but then I am afraid that if I wake her up she will scream, so I leave her be.
I am addicted to facebook. It has been nice to reconnect with some old friends. I have enjoyed it.
Anyway, a quick update on life with baby. I miss everyone.